What is Fear?

Websters Dictionary states that Fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat. 

For about two weeks, the enemy was attacking me every way he could. physically and mentally.  I have never dealt with anything ever like this kind of fear before in my life.  I would lay awake in my bed at night clinching for dear life to my pillow shaking, thinking that something was standing over me, waiting for me to move and as soon as i did it was going to start attacking me.  I would look in the mirror while getting ready and i would see someone else besides myself, and i would just stare at what i was seeing in the mirror.  I couldn't tell you who or what it was that was staring back at me, but i do know, that it was the Devil trying to overcome me, and make me think that as long as i stayed in this program, he was going to be there, waiting for me to take a step forward.  As soon as i did, he would be there to drag me back 7 steps backwards.  

Finally, one night I had enough, and sat all the girls down and i told them EVERYTHINGthat was going on.  I didn't know where to start or what to say, so i just poured it all out to them.  I felt like we needed to anoint our apartment.  One of the girls had some anointing oil, and we passed it around and grabbed hands and started praying together.  Then we split up and anointed every door post, window seal bedpost, door knob.  If there was something that we could anoint, we anointed it. We prayed for hours it felt like, it wasn't some minuscule prayer either.  God showed up in that apartment, and the holy ghost started moving.

I could see God working and moving in the girls while we were praying, but i couldn't feel anything.  I prayed and asked God why i couldn't feel him.  The enemy was in my ear telling me that God didn't hear me and that when i prayed i was wasting my breath because God wanted nothing to do with me.  I started believing the enemy and was contemplating of packing my things up and going home, because when i was at home i didn't deal with anything like this.  The devil would tell me that if i just went home he would leave me alone and i wouldn't have to deal with him anymore.  

As soon as he said that, i knew that i was where i was supposed to be, and the Assistant Pastor at my old church told me to look up; 2 Corinthians 10: 4-5: "For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds; casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ."

Once i read this, God just begin to pour scripture into my spirit, and a peaceful spirit just settled in my room, and that night was probably one of the best nights of sleep that i have had in a very long time.  Now every time that the enemy begins to stick his head back into my business, i just start quoting the scriptures God gave me. 

Joshua 1:9- "Have i not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord you God is with you wherever you go."

- Haley

  

I will trust in YOU

This week officially started a new chapter in my life as a Shabbach Master's Commission student, and it has already been such a life-changing experience for me. We started the week off with a small ceremony, where Pastor Michael talked about how we each came here with baggage, and that it was holding us back from giving our all to God. We then each had to choose a rock that we thought resembled the size and weight of the baggage that we each brought with us. We had to take that rock everywhere we went this past week, and also write on the rock anything that we think we have dealt with that has kept us from truly devoting ourselves to God.

My rock was huge.

And let me just say, carrying that thing around everywhere for an entire week was interesting. Once I actually wrote on the rock and gave names to each piece of baggage I found myself carrying, it made the scenario real to me. Yes, this rock was heavy. Yes, it was beyond annoying and hard to carry around. Yes, I got tired. The same emotions I've felt from the weight from my past.

So why was I carrying all of that "weight" around emotionally? Why had I not asked God to take these burdens away, to ease the difficulty of walking through daily life with these weights on my shoulders?

The biggest word on my rock (literally took up a whole side), was the word TRUST. When I wrote it on my rock, I wrote it because I have a very hard time trusting in people, because I have a fear that they will either reject me, hurt me, or leave me (or a combination of them). Because of this, I rarely let people in or talk about what's bothering me, until I am very confident that I can actually trust them.

So I walked around for a week, with the issue of trust (along with many others) physically weighing me down. But I wouldn't let someone help me carry it when they offered. Why not? Because I was afraid they would judge me because of my rock. Because of how ridiculously heavy it was, and how many words were written on it, and the choice of words that were on it. I didn't trust anyone with it.

Until I had to.

It took me until Pastor Michael picked up the rock, put it directly in my face, and said "Look at it." When I had to face everything that I wrote. I had to realize that there was an even larger trust issue than I had thought. It isn't just that I don't trust people, its that I don't completely trust God.

That's a smack in the face. I thought I trusted Him. I thought that me being here in this program would be so eye-opening because I'm following where God is calling (don't misunderstand me, it completely is and will continue to be eye-opening). But if I don't trust the people that He has surrounded me with here, how am I trusting in the plan He has for me here? How have I ever fully trusted in Him if I haven't ever trusted the surrounding He has given me?

The answer is: I can't. My issue isn't that I don't trust people (which I don't). My issue is that I don't fully trust in God to take me where I need to be and be okay. I've lived my life the past several years in fear of not being accepted, not being loved, not being enough, and getting lower into a life that I don't want. So I, naturally, run from my issues. I keep to myself. I don't let people in.  I attempt to stay as emotionless as possible.

I'm tired of living life that way.

By the end of the week, I was tired of holding that rock. My back and shoulders hurt, and my arms literally couldn't take it anymore. We had our covenant ceremony, and during that we were to finally get rid of our rocks. I walked down by the lake where all of the leaders were waiting, my huge and obnoxious rock in my hands. I was told to hold my rock out in front of me, arms completely extended... and I couldn't. Physically and emotionally, I was done.

It was in that moment that I finally understood what my rock was supposed to teach me. I couldn't hold that rock on my own any more, to the point that both Pastor Michael and Pastor Glenn had to help me hold it out in front of me. So why did I think I could handle everything from my past on my own? Why was I holding all of those things back, when I should be giving them to God, and let Him take the weight off of me.

When I threw my rock in the water, it didn't come back up, and I didn't dive in after it. I gave that rock to the lake, never to be seen again. But more importantly, I gave those issues to God, and I have faith that they will never weigh me down again. It will take some work to finally be able to say that I'm over each of the things that I had written down, but I'm finally TRUSTING in God to bring me through it.

"For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland." -Isaiah 43:19 (NLT)

During our chapel service this week, God brought this verse to my attention. I was reminded that God is working on molding me in to a new creation, into the person that He is calling me to be. All I need to do now is trust in Him through it all, no matter how lonely or hard it is for me. He's holding me in His hands, and I'm suddenly finding an extreme sense of peace in that.

- Paige

Where God Can Blow Your Mind!

Recently during my quiet time, I have thought about Shabbach Masters Commission slogan, “Where God can blow your mind!” While thinking about that phrase I pictured what this year at Masters is going to be like.  I began to think about what I want to get out of this year, what I want God to do me, and how I want God to just blow my mind out of the waters. 

Have you ever seen a 5 year old getting ready to start kindergarden and how he has so much excitement and has big dreams and expectancy for his first year of school? I’m that 5 year old getting ready to start my second year of Masters Commission. I have realized lately that everything you do and decisions you make will either move you forward or set you back to reaching what & where God has for you. So as I walk into Shabbach MC 2013, I enter with a mindset that everything that I am handed to do, is going to prepare me for the mission field. Everything that is being poured into me needs to be soaked up like a sponge and applied to my daily lifestyle. 

Every decision I make needs to be thought of in the way of “is this going to benefit me or set me back in the long run.” In order for me to gain anything from this year, I need to take it in myself. You can have someone pour and pour into you but if you never stretch out your hand and grab it, you will never receive what they are saying to you. This year I am entering into a year where i want EVERYTHING that is being poured into me, and I want to run with it. I want to allow what’s being poured into me to advance me to much greater things that God has in store for me. 

Blessings,

Katlyn