Broken BUT Rescued

"If the winds must keep blowing for me to trust in You... then Lord, I will hold on until You see me through. I may not know the purpose for this trial that I face, but please, don't let this

storm go to waste."

-"This Storm", McMillan and Life

As much as I love being in MC, because I really REALLY do, this is possibly the hardest thing I've ever gone through. And it's only the 7th week. It's still just the beginning, and I can't tell you how many times the thought of leaving has crossed my mind because of my feelings getting in the way.

Feelings of fear. Of stress. Of doubt. Of loneliness. Feeling like I don't belong, that I don't fit in. That I'm not enough for this group. That I'm holding the group back. That I don't have enough Bible knowledge. That I'm not as far in my spiritual walk as everyone else.

I can't tell you how many times I've started to pack my bags, completely prepared to pack up the back of my car, and just drive. No destination point. Just drive away, as far as I can on however much gas I had in my tank. I've felt like that's my best option more than once.

Then my car BROKE.

When it initially happened, I was convinced that the devil was just attacking me. Now that I can step back and look at the whole situation, I can see how that wasn't the case.

God stepped in. He took control of a situation that could have taken me away from the calling He has given me. Away from the opportunities He has put in front of me.

I believe He broke my car. Not as a punishment... but as a reminder that I'm not in control. Or a reminder that He can take me out of a situation that I may not be able to handle.

Which is really, REALLY good. Because if my car wouldn't have broken, I would have been gone. I would have left over a month ago. I would have left before the process of growing even began.

We were told from the beginning that this program wouldn't be easy, and I don't think any of us thought much of it. The breaking process hurts... A lot. You learn so much about yourself, and you're stripped down to the basics so that you can create a firm foundation for ministry. I'm starting to see now just how beneficial the hard parts are.

I'm starting to accept the fact that God has me in this program for a reason... clearly. I mean, He BROKE my car. This program is hard. But it's worth it.

Yes, I feel alone sometimes, but I know that I'm not. I have a Daddy God that is always with me. And I know that He loves me unconditionally, even when I doubt. Even when I question whether or not it's worth it. He's got my back. He sees beauty in my brokenness. He sees potential in me. He has me here for a reason. And I'm finding so much peace in knowing that.

Blessings,
        Paige

Have you ever just enjoyed a sunset?

Have you ever just enjoyed a sunset? Maybe you were at the beach, or sitting on your front porch, or maybe just sitting in the grass somewhere. Wherever you were, you know that no picture could ever truly capture the beauty of all the colors; that fire in the sky!

I have never met a person that at some point didn’t stand in awe at the beauty of the sunset. Just this week I was sitting in my car, preparing to leave the mall and there it was, that fire in the sky. Reds, blues, pinks, yellows, oranges, just beautiful. But I became curious, what makes the colors in the sunset?

Obviously God paints a picture for us of His creativity. But I was reading at the beautiful colors that are in the sunset are the product of the pollution in the air. Yes, the pollution, that thing that everyone
hates. The thing that everyone says is dangerous and detrimental to the world. The sun shines through it and it is beautiful.

Isn’t that the same in our lives? The things people look at us and point at us and say is ugly and gross.
The things that make us “unacceptable” to people and that they say is so bad. What will happen when
the SON shines through? Those same people will be left standing in awe of the picture God has created with your “pollution” and will be mesmerized by the beauty that comes from it.

In 1 Corinthians chapter 1 it says:

26 Look carefully at your call, brothers and sisters. By human standards, not many of you are deemed to be wise. Not many are considered powerful. Not many of you come from royalty, right? 27 But celebrate this: God selected the world’s foolish to bring shame upon those who think they are wise; likewise, He selected the world’s weak to bring disgrace upon those who think they are strong. 28 God selected the common and the castoff, whatever lacks status, so He could invalidate the claims of those who think those things are significant. 29 So it makes no sense for any person to boast in God’s presence. 30 Instead, credit God with your new situation: you are united with Jesus the Anointed. He is God’s wisdom for us and more. He is our righteousness and holiness and redemption. 31 As the Scripture says: “If someone wants to boast, he should boast in the Lord.”

So today friends, let the SON shine through your “pollution” and watch it turn in to something beautiful that confounds even the wisest of men. If God be for you, WHO can be against you? God REALLY is working everything out for your good, so let Him!

Blessings,

Tami

Break Every Chain

To this day it still seems so unreal to be in a place that’s so far away from all the people that I love so much. I’m now 18 and living the college life. Today I just sat back and looked at all the things I’ve done, all the things I accomplished and all the painful moments. I started to think about the 2 months I tried to prepare for the next coming 3 years. But I learned you can’t ever prepare yourself to be broken by God. I finally stopped all my plans and my dreams that I had for myself and I began to focus on Gods voice. I now live in charlotte, day by day preparing for my future and being trained into a disciple for Christ. For so long I ran from my calling I ran from Gods voice, for this very reason because I was scared to death about the process, the process of being completely broken. I’m learning that being in ministry and being where God has called you for whatever season you’re in you still are being broken, being broken is a willingness to change, its where you start growing and cutting out all of the past and impurities you have in your life. The process is painful and extremely emotional but full of Gods mercy, he shows us the things that need to be cut out or dealt with but he also afterwards brings us through the healing process. 

The past few weeks have been so crazy, so many distractions, so many lies being made, so much he said she said but past all of it I’ve heard Gods voice so much. This past Wednesday night I was lying in bed talking to my roommate Tami about the song break every chain. We began to talk about how we sing “Break every chain” a lot at Judah on Sundays. I made the comment that past the repetition it didn’t matter how much we sang it. Because it’s the words of the song that changes lives. Not only that but those words were placed into someone’s heart by God to write. So those are Gods words to you. He wants you to break EVERY chain in your life, he wants your chains to fall, not only for them to fall but for them to never take hold again over your life. So my question to you is how would churches be different if we actually begin to believe God could break those chains? Not to just sing it but to believe we serve a big God that can break those chains. When we sing there is an army rising up, what do you see as you sing that? When I begin to sing “there is an army rising up” for me I begin to see an army that’s for God, running head on after the enemy that’s been trying to kill everything in their lives. But what the army has attached to them and what there carrying IS the armor of God. What they have on the inside is more powerful than anything the enemy can throw at them or try to kill them with. Having that armor on is going to help them kill the very thing or the very enemy that’s been trying to destroy them and as the enemy comes closer they will be able to strike with the purpose of completely killing them. (You could even look at it as your spirit man is trying to kill your fleshly man.) I also think about David, he believed that he could kill the giant not because of his pride or ego but because he believed that, what was his fathers was also his. He believed through God he could kill this giant. God used David in this story for a lot of reasons but one of the reasons were it didn’t matter his size or his strength or his age but the simple fact that he was called by God. God will use you when you have a willing spirit. So when it’s time to step up will you have all you need to fight? Will we believe and have faith that God is going to get you through this, the process might be horrible and you may have doubt at first but as you throw that first rock at the enemy as David did, will you miss because of the lack of faith in yourself or will you hit your target because of the faith you had in God and the faith God had in you? The next time you hear a song, don’t take it lightly apply it to your life and let God speak to you.

- Morgan

Mandate of a Believer

Let me start with saying WOW. We are entering into our 6th week of SMC now and it has already been a ride. But, the deeper we get into it, I become so grateful that I am here. I'm going to be completely honest, I didn't know if my "puzzle piece" fit into this puzzle. I felt like this was just a stepping stone in my life that could only last for a couple of months. I thought I didn't fit in with the other guys. I felt, well, I felt like I was alone. But, as they walls have began to fall down. I can see just how much we are all alike. We are all after the same thing and that is to glorify God. 

This week has been an eye opener for me. We have talked about the mandate of a believer. It blew my mind to see this words come to life from my bible and for God to begin speaking to me. 

Matthew 28:18-20 

"Then Jesus came to the disciples and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded of you, and be sure of this, I am with you always, even at the very end of age." 

This is the mandate of a true believer. Jesus came into the world so that every child of God could be saved. How can everyone be saved if some haven't even heard of him. The word "Nations" here in Greek translates to race. He isn't just talking about people of third world countries, He is speaking about all the people on this planet, every single child of God needs to know their father. 

Another piece of scripture that ties in perfectly with this one is one that Pastor Glenn has been preaching a series on. 

Mark 16:15-18

"He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the gospel of creation. Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. And these signs and wonders will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; They will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will be healed."

This just blows my mind. Once again He is telling us to GO. We can't just sit here and be idle. We need to get up and go in the name of Jesus. Believers are made and molded into disciples. Here he tells us that signs and wonders will follow those who believe. They will drive out demons in His name, DRIVE OUT DEMONS. Wow, that is pretty amazing to me. My faith can be so strong and my belief can hold so much power that when I walk into a room. The devil knows that Jesus is with me and that he can not stay there and I will drive him out! That is enough for me, but He doesn't stop there. He says we will speak in new tongues. Because we are believers, when we go to preach the gospel to all nations. There will be no language barrier, if your faith is strong enough you will speak in their language. Speaking a language that I don't know and I have never studied before, that is amazing. They will pick up snakes with their hands and when they drink deadly poison it will not harm them. They will place their hands on the sick and they will be healed! The very things that Jesus him self came into this world and did. We will be able to do in his name. It is so amazing for me to see how Jesus desires so greatly for us to be just like him.  

I won't to wrap all of this up with a quote from Pastor Glenn, "signs and wonders follow those who believe. Believers don't follow signs and wonders" 

God, I just pray that in everything I do I look to you for guidance. I pray that every where I go I leave a residue behind of you God. That people can look through me and see that you are my Father and want to know you. God, I pray that in everything I do it is for your will Father. I desire to make you proud God and to let the light of Jesus shine through me. Amen. 

- Sean

Purpose

I feel that this is the first 'normal' week we've had.

I am realizing how important it is to get to know people before we develop impressions about them. I say that because everyday I'm getting to know everyone better, I realize why they behave the way the do, which helps me understand and adapt to different personalities better. That is something I have definitely been wanting to work on, because I'm not much of a people person.

This week we have been taught more and more what our purposes are in Christ. Pastor Glenn talked about the fact that we are New Testament Levites, while Pastor Michael discussed how we should pray. It completely reconstructed my view on a lot of the things I was taught in my childhood.

Pastor Glenn discussed that as Levites we are called to minister to God, which I believe we get a little backwards sometimes, because we always expect God to touch us and minister to us. This really resonated with me. It's important for me to remember as a worship leader, because we as humans are so accustomed to having 'horizontal' and face to face interactions that we have a hard time adapting to a 'vertical'  and seemingly one-sided relationship with God. In worship, we are too eager to try to minister to a congregation, and we tend to get discouraged whenever the crowd does not respond the way we would like. That's not right, we should worship God in Spirit and in Truth, not in congregational approval. 

Pastor Michael, on the other hand, spoke about prayer. This really helped me this week because the Lord has been speaking to me more and more about who to pray for, when to pray for them, and what to pray for. This is something I've never been comfortable with, but that's what I'm here for, right? I've always followed the model of prayer he talked about, which is praise, repentance, asking, and yielding. I don't remember where or when I learned this, but as long as I can remember I've prayed this way. It was interesting for him to explain this through the process of which the Priests came to Moses' temple. It truly brought light to and made sense of that idea. I plan on studying that more at some point, because no one has ever taught that to me, which is becoming the norm of a lot of things I'm learning throughout the week. Every week gives me a new perspective on my relationship with Christ. and I really believe it has already solidified my faith that much more.

- Danielle

What is Fear?

Websters Dictionary states that Fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat. 

For about two weeks, the enemy was attacking me every way he could. physically and mentally.  I have never dealt with anything ever like this kind of fear before in my life.  I would lay awake in my bed at night clinching for dear life to my pillow shaking, thinking that something was standing over me, waiting for me to move and as soon as i did it was going to start attacking me.  I would look in the mirror while getting ready and i would see someone else besides myself, and i would just stare at what i was seeing in the mirror.  I couldn't tell you who or what it was that was staring back at me, but i do know, that it was the Devil trying to overcome me, and make me think that as long as i stayed in this program, he was going to be there, waiting for me to take a step forward.  As soon as i did, he would be there to drag me back 7 steps backwards.  

Finally, one night I had enough, and sat all the girls down and i told them EVERYTHINGthat was going on.  I didn't know where to start or what to say, so i just poured it all out to them.  I felt like we needed to anoint our apartment.  One of the girls had some anointing oil, and we passed it around and grabbed hands and started praying together.  Then we split up and anointed every door post, window seal bedpost, door knob.  If there was something that we could anoint, we anointed it. We prayed for hours it felt like, it wasn't some minuscule prayer either.  God showed up in that apartment, and the holy ghost started moving.

I could see God working and moving in the girls while we were praying, but i couldn't feel anything.  I prayed and asked God why i couldn't feel him.  The enemy was in my ear telling me that God didn't hear me and that when i prayed i was wasting my breath because God wanted nothing to do with me.  I started believing the enemy and was contemplating of packing my things up and going home, because when i was at home i didn't deal with anything like this.  The devil would tell me that if i just went home he would leave me alone and i wouldn't have to deal with him anymore.  

As soon as he said that, i knew that i was where i was supposed to be, and the Assistant Pastor at my old church told me to look up; 2 Corinthians 10: 4-5: "For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds; casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ."

Once i read this, God just begin to pour scripture into my spirit, and a peaceful spirit just settled in my room, and that night was probably one of the best nights of sleep that i have had in a very long time.  Now every time that the enemy begins to stick his head back into my business, i just start quoting the scriptures God gave me. 

Joshua 1:9- "Have i not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord you God is with you wherever you go."

- Haley

  

I will trust in YOU

This week officially started a new chapter in my life as a Shabbach Master's Commission student, and it has already been such a life-changing experience for me. We started the week off with a small ceremony, where Pastor Michael talked about how we each came here with baggage, and that it was holding us back from giving our all to God. We then each had to choose a rock that we thought resembled the size and weight of the baggage that we each brought with us. We had to take that rock everywhere we went this past week, and also write on the rock anything that we think we have dealt with that has kept us from truly devoting ourselves to God.

My rock was huge.

And let me just say, carrying that thing around everywhere for an entire week was interesting. Once I actually wrote on the rock and gave names to each piece of baggage I found myself carrying, it made the scenario real to me. Yes, this rock was heavy. Yes, it was beyond annoying and hard to carry around. Yes, I got tired. The same emotions I've felt from the weight from my past.

So why was I carrying all of that "weight" around emotionally? Why had I not asked God to take these burdens away, to ease the difficulty of walking through daily life with these weights on my shoulders?

The biggest word on my rock (literally took up a whole side), was the word TRUST. When I wrote it on my rock, I wrote it because I have a very hard time trusting in people, because I have a fear that they will either reject me, hurt me, or leave me (or a combination of them). Because of this, I rarely let people in or talk about what's bothering me, until I am very confident that I can actually trust them.

So I walked around for a week, with the issue of trust (along with many others) physically weighing me down. But I wouldn't let someone help me carry it when they offered. Why not? Because I was afraid they would judge me because of my rock. Because of how ridiculously heavy it was, and how many words were written on it, and the choice of words that were on it. I didn't trust anyone with it.

Until I had to.

It took me until Pastor Michael picked up the rock, put it directly in my face, and said "Look at it." When I had to face everything that I wrote. I had to realize that there was an even larger trust issue than I had thought. It isn't just that I don't trust people, its that I don't completely trust God.

That's a smack in the face. I thought I trusted Him. I thought that me being here in this program would be so eye-opening because I'm following where God is calling (don't misunderstand me, it completely is and will continue to be eye-opening). But if I don't trust the people that He has surrounded me with here, how am I trusting in the plan He has for me here? How have I ever fully trusted in Him if I haven't ever trusted the surrounding He has given me?

The answer is: I can't. My issue isn't that I don't trust people (which I don't). My issue is that I don't fully trust in God to take me where I need to be and be okay. I've lived my life the past several years in fear of not being accepted, not being loved, not being enough, and getting lower into a life that I don't want. So I, naturally, run from my issues. I keep to myself. I don't let people in.  I attempt to stay as emotionless as possible.

I'm tired of living life that way.

By the end of the week, I was tired of holding that rock. My back and shoulders hurt, and my arms literally couldn't take it anymore. We had our covenant ceremony, and during that we were to finally get rid of our rocks. I walked down by the lake where all of the leaders were waiting, my huge and obnoxious rock in my hands. I was told to hold my rock out in front of me, arms completely extended... and I couldn't. Physically and emotionally, I was done.

It was in that moment that I finally understood what my rock was supposed to teach me. I couldn't hold that rock on my own any more, to the point that both Pastor Michael and Pastor Glenn had to help me hold it out in front of me. So why did I think I could handle everything from my past on my own? Why was I holding all of those things back, when I should be giving them to God, and let Him take the weight off of me.

When I threw my rock in the water, it didn't come back up, and I didn't dive in after it. I gave that rock to the lake, never to be seen again. But more importantly, I gave those issues to God, and I have faith that they will never weigh me down again. It will take some work to finally be able to say that I'm over each of the things that I had written down, but I'm finally TRUSTING in God to bring me through it.

"For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland." -Isaiah 43:19 (NLT)

During our chapel service this week, God brought this verse to my attention. I was reminded that God is working on molding me in to a new creation, into the person that He is calling me to be. All I need to do now is trust in Him through it all, no matter how lonely or hard it is for me. He's holding me in His hands, and I'm suddenly finding an extreme sense of peace in that.

- Paige